WHO ARE WE? WHO ARE YOU? WHY DOES IT MATTER???

There must be a point at which we as a society grow up. We’re not grown yet. Some of us are working hard at it but others don’t seem to care if they grow or how their lack of personal growth affects their lives or the lives of everyone around them.

It’s all about awareness. Awareness of others, their needs, their place in the world and how their existence affects or doesn’t affect us. The most important awareness is self-awareness because regardless of what others say or do it is always ultimately what we do, what we say and how we move in the world that has the most prolific and profound affect on our lives and the lives of others.

It’s a journey we ALL travel, this life. For some of us self-awareness comes slowly and often later in life after we’ve already left a swath of damage behind us, but we learned from it. For some of us self-awareness is just something those liberal, head in the sand, rose colored glasses wearing, out of touch with reality kooks talk about but that we have little knowledge of or interest in. Everyone is different, that much is certain, and none of us can say what’s best for someone else; however, who we choose to be and how we choose to move through this life affects ‘the whole’ no matter if we realize there is a whole or care whether we have a positive or negative affect on the rest of the world.

We all come from different backgrounds, upbringings, situations, circumstances, ethnicity and cultures. No two of us are exactly alike. We may have many commonalities and similarities, but we are each our own ship, traveling our own journey through this thing we call life and none of us can tell the other how to navigate through it all. We can however, share the benefit of our own learning, our own shortcomings, our own personal growth and our own experiences to help others see that life doesn’t happen to us but that we are the sole captains of our ship, creators of our own journey as adults in this life.

It’s not arrogant or demeaning to others if we try to show them that it is ‘we’ who create the reality in which we live, even if we aren’t the creators of the world around us or the collective reality. It doesn’t hurt to gently and with care impart to others that even when we can’t control a situation, we can most certainly control how we react to it and what we learn from it. That is only ever what truly matters: what we choose to think, do and say in response to the world around us. How we choose to be in the world, that’s what matters most of all.

A strong resistance to change is hardwired into most us. We may see the suggestion that we change, or at least look at things differently, as a judgement of who we are, and we will resist any notion that we would benefit from insight and self-awareness. When we are faced with any suggestion that how we are thinking and being in the world isn’t serving us, or the world, we so often become immediately defensive regardless of how the suggestion is framed. Some of us may have grown up with constant criticism (I did) and are more sensitive to the observation of another that we perhaps aren’t being our best selves and are suffering as a result. Some of us may never have had any positive input (I didn’t) and have believed that the lack of positive input is based on our value as a person; as if we aren’t worthy of positive input or of anyone supporting our dreams, our goals, our aspirations. 

It’s a lie that we are not worthy and that we have no value. It’s most often a lie we tell ourselves throughout the course of our lives, allowing that belief to drive us to greed, hate, dysfunction in our relationships, judgement of others and a failure to succeed as we once may have wished we could. We may have developed a ‘get them before they get me’ mentality. It wasn’t our fault growing up that the people in our lives didn’t support us in the way that every living human being needs. We didn’t ask for having no positive input or emotional support from those adults around us, BUT as adults ourselves it is our job to be our own positive input and emotional support. Every living being needs that support from others, but when we don’t get it we must recognize that it wasn’t our fault and that despite the lack of it we can be better, do better, achieve higher goals; live in the world in a positive not a negative way.

This all brings us to the issue of how we choose to interact with others in the world; most especially others who are so unlike us in so many ways that it’s difficult for us to tolerate their words or even their existence. While it may feel as if our first and only response to hatred and condemnation of us from others is to heap the same hate and condemnation on them; that is quite possibly the least productive and most harmful thing we could do. It has NOTHING to do with ‘the other’ and has EVERYTHING to do with ourselves. Who are we? How do we fit into the world? What affect do or can we have on the world? What kind of results do we want from what we say and do in relation to others? How do we want to feel about the world and ourselves?

Some might call this a ‘spiritual’ question and may feel instructed to seek guidance from a higher power, imagined or not. Some may feel that the only way to answer these questions is to look outside of ourselves, to seek validation from a religion or a religious leader. Some may feel that all these questions have been or can be answered through religion. Some may feel psychoanalysis and therapy is the only way. Some simply may understand that personal growth comes only through introspection, an examination of cause and effect based on our life experiences/choices and a true wish to move and be in the world in a way that will not only benefit ourselves but also others, also the rest of the world.

Regardless of what we feel the path to a better us, a better life for ourselves, for our loved ones and for society in general might be it behooves each and every one of us to embark upon that journey. We want a better world, a better life for ourselves and some of us a better life for everyone else regardless of whether they are like or unlike us.

In closing I just want to share that admitting who we were yesterday or are today, how we think today, how we treat others today is perhaps not that constructive or that successful is NOT a reason for guilt, it’s NOT a judgment of ourselves, it’s NOT a reason for shame or regret but it IS a reason to grow, to learn how to be better as a human being and in turn help change the world we all share for the better. 

Everything we say or do ripples outward into the world like ripples in a pond. Let us think more about our own ripples than the ripples of another, let us control what we can control and that is our own thoughts, our own feelings, our own reactions and our own actions.  Let us BE the change that we want to see in our world.  Let love guide us in everything we do, and the world will be a more loving place for us and for everyone around us.  Love is not weakness, hate is weakness; let us be powerful, let us love our way to success.