To You With Love

There’s got to be some point in a person’s life when they realize that if they want a happier life it’s up to them to create one. External influences, situations, tragedy’s, adversities will come and go in everyone’s life. No one is immune to personal/emotional losses, to obstacles, to being on the receiving end of anger or hatred or prejudice. EVERYONE has at some time in their lives been down, been kicked while they were down, been marginalized, been hated on, been teased, been disregarded, been silenced, been denied something they needed and so much more. Life is chock full of downs, for some people more downs than others. Perhaps that’s the one single most thing that we human beings have in common. Even the most financially wealthy people experience personal emotional losses, setbacks, disappointments and more. Even the most physically attractive people have personal emotional issues. Even the most famous people have experienced the lows in life that we less famous experience.

What no one tells us, what so very few parents teach their children, is that what happens to us isn’t what really matters but what really matters in life when something happens is how we react to it, how we choose to feel about it, what we choose to learn from it and what we choose to do about it. THOSE are the real choices everyone has when they face losses, disappointment, prejudice, hate, anger, violence and all the other things that may or may not happen to everyone alive sooner or later.  This doesn’t mean that what happens to you that harms you deeply doesn’t matter or that we should just pretend it never happened or that we should never feel resentment or anger about it. It means that WE and WE ALONE choose how long to suffer from it, how well we recover from it and how much we learn from it.

I’m no expert on psychology, I have no doctorate, no diploma, no practical experience save my own personal experience in this life. It’s been a hard road, this life, for me. I was luckier than many but even then there was deep psychological damage done to me that took me into my thirties to figure out was not of my own doing and that resenting those who had done it to me only hurt me, not them.  I’ve made some bad choices and have put myself through some pretty hard situations, painful ones that were difficult to go through and hard to recover from. But I’m a survivor and I am someone who has consciously created the life I have today through introspection, honesty with myself, challenging my beliefs and my own ego and just making a conscious decision to be the kind of person I always admired in life. I’m NOT saying I’m all that and a bag of chips. I have my issues, I’m human, but I know what’s possible in the way of healing oneself and so I share with others what I can when I can in the hope that there’s even a tiny shred of wisdom that they can use to help themselves.

So, all that said I feel oddly ‘qualified’ to pass on some wisdom to others. Why? Because I love humanity, I love other people and I want to be a helper as much as possible. I have benefited greatly over my lifetime from the wisdom of others, some famous some just friends or family.  I know how wisdom can hang around in one’s head for decades until one is ready to use that wisdom to make themselves happier, a better human being or just someone who goes through this life with a lighter soul.

I wrote this list about twenty years ago and it’s served me well. I hope it may serve someone else well too, if not now then whenever they’re ready to utilize it and benefit from it.  I go back to my list from time to time and see that there are things on it that were an idea then that I’ve put into being since writing it. Hopefully some others will find them as useful as I have.

15 Life Keys 

1.  I, and I alone, am responsible for my own happiness, my own perceptions, my own reactions and my own decisions.

2.  That which does not kill me makes me stronger and should never be looked back upon with guilt, anger or regret.  I learn my most valuable lessons from the difficulties I encounter and from the mistakes I make.  The more traumatic the difficulty the more valuable the lesson.  It is ALL good.

3.  My reality is uniquely my own and it is not necessary that any other person share it.  Conversely everyone else's reality is uniquely their own and I am in no way shape or form in a position to judge them for it.

4.  I attract to my life only what I feel deep down inside I deserve to have.  I may wish and hope but until I 'know' that I deserve that which I covet I will not have it and if by some miraculous chance I do get it without that knowledge...I will not appreciate it because I won't really believe that I deserve it.

5.  I get out of life and relationships only what I put in.  If I expect fair and kind treatment I must be prepared to give it and if I have to give it first then so be it.

6.  Different is not bad or good; better or worse; it is simply different.

7.  No one can take advantage of me without my permission.

8.  I am under no obligation to maintain a relationship with someone when having a relationship with that person is detrimental to my well being.

9.  Hardships are an opportunity to rediscover my own strength, tenacity, resourcefulness and grace. They are not to be feared, dreaded or avoided.

10. I, as we all do, have omnipotent power to shape, create, change and improve my life and my relationships.

11. The only moment I have domain over is this one, the past is done and cannot be changed; the future is uncertain and should not be faced with anxiety, dread or doubt.

12. There is no love or acceptance greater than or more valuable than my love for and acceptance of myself...from that love comes all the love I lavish on others and without it I am incapable of loving others as they deserve to be loved, which is unconditionally without limits or expectations.

13. Love, tolerance, understanding, patience and grace is the greatest gift I can give to myself but can only be given to myself by giving to others.

14. Perception and attitude are EVERYTHING!

15. I must 'Be' the change I want to see in the world.

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